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The Ways of Positive Parenting: Building A Positive Parent Attitude.
The Ways of Positive Parenting: Building A Positive Parent Attitude
Parents are often left with the question, "Am I being a good parent to my child?" This becomes a very tough subject, especially if things start to get out of hand with your parenting ways. You try so hard to give it your best, yet you still find yourself in the middle of raging kids and hopeless methods of discipline. Maybe its time you approached parenting in a different way -the positive parenting way. Positive attracts Positive A positive attitude, as well as positive ways of handling children is very important in parenting. The manner that you will portray your role as a parent is very significant; your children will look up to your ways and follow your examples. Do not forget that you are among the most influential person in your child's life, and you would want to ensure that they have a better outlook in life through your positive illustrations. You don't really need to yell and be angry all the time. These are negative ways of parenting that result to double-negative with kids. Staying calm and focused on the aims that you want to set for yourself as a parent will be very helpful in positively dealing with your children. Parenting is hard work. It's not as simple as being called a "mom" or a "dad", it means doing everything you can for your child so that they become well-adjusted adults in the future. It's a difficult role yet a very rewarding one, and it's a continuous process of learning and hard-work every day. If you don't have the positive attitude towards it, then your days of parenting will be filled with more frustrations, hopelessness, and anger, rather than with more optimism and love for your child. Keep in mind that positive ways of parenting will need you to change the negative ones. It's not always easy to breathe, calm down, and not yell when your child just disobeyed your rules; it will need all your parental love and strength to deal with things in a different way. On the other hand, positive will always attract positive. This will improve the mental and emotional state of your child, as well as their behavior. When a positive way of parenting is displayed, it will help your child live through your positive attitude and help develop their social skills in a more optimistic and constructive ways. Remember, if action speaks louder than words, so does every action has equal reaction - positive action equals positive reaction. Ways of a Positive Parent In the same way that the child needs to learn the right ways of life, so does a parent need to learn the positive ways of parenting basics like discipline, talking with the child, helping them with homework, bonding with them, and molding their behavior in the right way. There are certain ways that a parent can show a positive grip and attitude towards things that have become unconstructive and frustrating. Positive Discipline Sometimes as parents, discipline becomes a very important tool to teach responsibility and respect to a child, as well as motivate them internally, build their self-esteem, and let them feel loved. It is with discipline that parents can instill in their children the importance of actions, and how they have to be responsible about it. A lot of parents when asked how they "discipline" their children usually explain how they "punish" them. They scold, spank, yell, take away their privileges, and restrict them to their bedrooms. However, "discipline" and "punishment" is never the same thing at all. Discipline is actually all about teaching the child in making decisions. It is teaching them how to make better choices on how they behave, as well as being responsible for their actions, and showing them that they have the control to choose their behavior. As a parent, you should know the difference between seeking control of your child through punishment, and seeking cooperation from them through discipline. Punishment is always the weaker and seldom the better tactic for discipline. Once you as a parent believe that discipline is all about teaching your child with decision making, then you and your children will gain an improved and mutual positive attitude towards discipline in general. Positive Moments The self-esteem of a child is greatly influenced by the QUALITY of time parents spend with them, and not the amount of time. At times, when busy life schedules start to take most of the parent's time, they tend to confuse "spending time" with "visibility" to their children. Thinking that because the children can see them at home, they can't be said to not spend time with them -this is a wrong notion. As parents, it is very important that you put one-hundred percent focused attention on how you spend time with your children. Nodding and pretending that you are listening just can't be, especially ignoring the attempt of your child to communicate with you. Every day your child will need "genuine encounter moments" with you, this will be the positive moments that you can implant in their young mind and heart of how much you care and love them. Positive moments will give you and your child that "bonding" that will go a long way. It is important to recognize the feelings that your child may give you during these "moments". Do not judge these feelings as right and wrong -they're simply expressing. So if your child tells you that you never spend time with them even if you just played with them, know that they're just saying how they feel. During these times, simply try to validate their feelings by telling them that "it does feel like it's been a long time since we've spent time together". Positive Actions Parents often give their children more than two-thousand compliance requests every day. On top of that, some parents do more of yelling and nagging instead of calmly conveying and talking it over with their children. It may not come as a surprise why they become "parent deaf". These are ineffective negative actions, and will only do more harm than good. So what actions can a parent take? As positive parents, show positive actions. If you're trying to teach your child to be responsible enough to unroll their socks after taking them off, and they seem to ignore you; stop yelling and repeating it over and over again. Let your actions speak for you -you may try washing only the socks that they have unrolled. They'll ask you about this later, and it will be your chance to emphasize your point. There are many ways that a parent can show positive actions in situations that they encounter with their children. Your goal that you want to be a positive example for your child will be your guide, as well as the "thought" that nothing can be achieved with unconstructive actions -they will only either break your child's spirit or cause them to rebel against you. Positive Power Sometimes as parents, you become caught-up with the thought that you have power over your children -and indeed you do. However, as the famous Spiderman movie says "with great power, comes great responsibility", and as parents it is your responsibility to use this power in a positive way. Your authority over your children does not mean, letting them do what YOU want all the time. It also means listening to their side of the story and knowing why it's very hard for them to follow a certain rule of yours. It is also important to let them share in the "power" that you have. It will help them boost their self-esteem and let them feel they're valuable. There are some simple ways of doing this like asking for their advice, giving them choices, letting them help you out with budgeting, helping you shop, or cooking part of the meal. Doing things for them is one thing, but letting them share in what they so look up to you will let them know they're a very important part of your life. Positive Consequences There will be times when consequences need to be given to a child so they learn from their mistakes. Consequences can be of two types and its effects will be in accordance. Negative consequences given will only make the child resent their parents, while positive consequences will make them wiser. Positive consequences are consequences appropriately given according to the offense, at the right time, and for the right reasons. Some positive consequences can be natural; this means that sometimes a parent must not interfere with the consequences of the child's action. Take for instance, your child forgets their lunch at home -no matter how hard, don't bring it to them. This will allow the child to find solutions and learn the value of remembering. Most often than not, consequences may be too far in the future and using natural consequences may not be practical. When this becomes the case, positive logical consequences are effective and must be applied by parents. For a logical consequence to be positive, they must be reasonably related to the child's behavior in order to be effective. Take for instance, your child forgets to return a video he borrowed and you ground him for two weeks; this punishment only creates anger within him. But, if you return the video for your child, and either deduct the penalty amount from his allowance or let him work off what he owes, then the child will see the "logic" in the consequence. This becomes a positive consequence for your child and a positive action for you as a parent. Positive Firmness Parents often employ firmness in a rude and uncaring way -this should not be the case. Being firm is needed as a parent, but positive firmness is the answer. This means that you are firm with what you say, but you do it with kindness and love. Every time that you are being firm with your child, always ask yourself if you motivated them through love or fear. If you tell your six-year old that you will be back and pick her up when the timer rings, and he or she should be dressed or they will have to either get dressed in the car or in school -do so. However, make sure that you pick them up in a loving way, but firm on your word that you WILL pick them up as soon as the timer rings without any more nagging. The positive firmness that you show your child will let them know that you are true to your word, while the loving way that you employ it will show them your care for them. Always make sure that you are consistent with the things you do, especially with firmness. Remember, saying one thing and doing another will only confuse your child; it may even let them think that they can do away with their wrong behavior if you're not firm and consistent. Always make sure that you're firmness is followed-up with talking to your child and explaining why it had to be done. The Basic Principles of Positive Parenting Positive parenting will not be an easy transition for those who have gotten used to the negative ways. However, it is achievable and the first step will be by practicing it every day for whatever situations encountered with children. Know by heart that as a parent your child's behavior will be strengthened or weakened by your actions. Their character will ultimately respond better to positive ways of parenting; whether they have been punished or reinforced, the way you have parented them will greatly reflect on how they become in the future. If as a parent your pursuit is raising well-behaved and well-adjusted children, then you will need to understand that your behavior -whether positive or negative- will always connect with your child's behavior. Finally, know that your child's character will not occur by magic -it will be inherited. "Good" children are not results of luck; they're a copy of the modeling you have instilled in them -they observe, they listen, and most of all they imitate. Therefore, know that you have the most powerful influence over your children -carefully think about what you say and do in front of them because they are just but imitations of the kind of parenting that you have showed them.
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